Stolen from morbid_curious

[razorjak]

Voight-Kampff Tests for Dummies
(with apologies to Philip K. Dick and Ridley Scott)

Intercom: Next subject, Bush, George, politician, executive branch, file- section, heads of state, two terms.
Holden: (hears knock on door) Come in. (pause) Sit down.
George: Care if I talk? I'm kinda nervous when I take tests.
Holden: Uh, just please don't move.
George: Oh, sorry. I already had an IQ test this year, I don't think I ever had one of these-
Holden: Reaction time is a factor in this, so please pay attention. Now, answer as quickly as you can.
George: Sure.
Holden: One six zero zero at Pennsylvania.
George: That's the house.
Holden: What?
George: Where I live.
Holden: Nice place?
George: Yeah, sure I guess--that part of the test?
Holden: No, just warming you up, that's all.
George: Oh. It's not fancy or nothing.
Holden: You're over a swamp, flying along in a plane when all of the sudden-
George: Is this the test now?
Holden: Yes. You're over a swamp flying along in the a plane when all of the sudden you look down-
George: What one?
Holden: What?
George: What swamp?
Holden: It doesn't make any difference what swamp, it's completely hypothetical.
George: But how come I'd be there?
Holden: Maybe you're on federal business, maybe you're checking on some oil facilities, who knows? You look down and you see a metropolis, George, it's calling toward you-
George: Metropolis, what's that?
Holden: Know what a city is?
George: Of course.
Holden: Same thing.
George: I never seen a "metropolis". (pause) But I understand what you mean.
Holden: You look down, and you see the city's been flipped on its back by a hurricane, George.
George: Do y'all make up these questions, Mr. Holden, or do they write them down for you?
Holden: The city lays on its back, its people baking in the hot sun, climbing over each other trying to evacuate but they can't, not without your help, but you're not helping.
George: What do y'all mean I'm not helping?
Holden: I mean, you're not helping. Why is that George? (pause) They're just questions, George. In answer to your query, they're written down for me. It's a test, designed to provoke an emotional response. (pause) Shall we continue? Describe in single words, only the good things that come into your mind about: your re-election.
George: My re-election?
Holden: Yeah.
George: Let me tell y'all about my re-election. (shot fired)

my own additions to the above:

George: (turns to the open door) Thanks, Fartblossom.
Karl: (blows smoke from barrel of smoking gun) Just doing my job, (winks)"Mr. President".