Things I'd say to my 16 year old self

1.) Start actually playing the game. Yes, you're smarter than the majority of students (and a fair number of the teachers as well). But brains alone do not get you anywhere in this world. In fact, in your future, a man with the intelligence level of a broken garden gnome will be sitting in the oval office. What you know means nothing. That slip of paper does.

2.) Steer clear of Meda Wolfe. Yes, I know you've had a crush on her since junior high. You will have a fling with her soon after you get out of the army. Let it be that, just a fling. If you move in with her, she will be the first of two women who will destroy your credit and sink you into debt.

3.) Speaking of the military, when they offer you a honorable discharge or a desk job, take the desk job.

4.) A. has had a crush on you since middle school but is too tied up with her being in the "In Crowd". If you talk to her alone, you'll be fucking her on your first date. Do it now before because on graduation night you'll have to choose between her and two other girls. You'll only get to fuck two of them that night. She's a good lay. But the other two are better. Do it now and get it over with.

5.) Keep quiet about sleeping with your two friends' prom dates after the party. The girl didn't tell them even though they said they did. So no one needs to know.

6.) Fuck what your mom says. You'll likely not ever be a star. But if you work harder at acting - you'll do better than bit parts in Troma movies.

7.) Never go into a casino. If you do, You'll lose more than 100 grand before you realize what you're doing.