Less painful hobbies ...

[razorjak]

460 pages into INCUBUS DREAMS, the latest Anita Blake book in paperback.

SWEET WHORE OF BABYLON! Is there anyone who can deny that Laurell K. Hamilton is the Patron Saint of Mary Sues?(1) Not only that, but the grandmistress of Monty Haulism?

Fucking hell! I so need a less painful hobby than trying to sift through the tripe she spews forth onto the pages.

Masturbation with 40 grit sandpaper using icyhot as lubricant while sodomizing myself with a dildo made of dry ice. Yeah, that'll be a less painful pasttime. At least then it'd be me and me alone causing my pain. Oprah calls that empowerment.

Of the 460 pages I've read, probably 425 of them have been about Anita fucking everyone on the planet except the one who seems the most devoted to her. 25 pages of explaining why she can't make love to Nathaniel. And maybe 10 pages of non-sex related paranormal shit.

And no Edward in sight!

I truly hate this series now. But I can't stop reading them because she DOES write about bouncers and bodyguards TRULY well. That is, when she's not describing Anita's latest fuckfest; or her pathetic mewling whining about it afterwards.

At least with her Meredith Gentry books, they started off as bad lowgrade porn. I was able to toss the series after the first book. But the wench started the Anita Blake series off decently. And then she went Anne Rice/Jeann Auel on us and turned a decent series into little more than a collection of "romance" novels surrounded by an ever weakening veneer of spookiness.

(1) Anita Blake is Hamilton's Mary Sue. She's her own "perfect image". And she's fallen into the Monty Haul trap of giving her marysue so much power so quickly that she really has no idea what to throw at her next. She might as well have the next power plateau cause her to produce a glowing aura and have her hair whip up into the air, golden blonde.

Comments

[prgrmr.livejournal.com]

25 pages of explaining why she can't make love to Nathaniel

So is this the female version of the old stereotype "there's the one's you have fun with, and then there's the one's you love"?

[medakse.livejournal.com]

hey you,
I have a post somewhere in the world that I made regarding some similar issues with LKH, and why I don't read her anymore, but I'll be damned if I can find it.
But I did take a nice trip down memory lane, thanks to this.
So, thanks :)
PS If you're looking for some fun otherworldly stuff, have you tried Kelley Armstrong or Charlaine Harris? Harris may be a bit "girly," but she's a great read, and both are MUCH better than LKH

[nimue-amethyst.livejournal.com]

Anita Blake: Super-sayan(sp?) slut!

[sirriamnis.livejournal.com]

Why do you do this to yourself? I quit at the first sign of vampire/werewolf slash. Could NOT take it.

[razorjak.livejournal.com]

I swear. This one is WORSE than Blue Moon.

[razorjak.livejournal.com]

I need help. Her books are the Ike to my Tina. I keep believeing that she's not going to hurt me anymore and that she's changed.

[blackismysoul.livejournal.com]

i heart her... but i dont read anita blake. i'v hooked on the merry gentry serious... ugh i dont know when there will another one either omg!!!!! dying over it ::blech::

[razorjak.livejournal.com]

*nods* She's not that bad, IF what you're after is porn/romance (moreso the porn than anything else) trying to pass itself off as Horror and the main character being a friggin demigod on the powerscale. Which is what the Gentry novels started off as. So she wasn't pulling a fast one on her fans with that series. The Gentry books start out as fuckfests.

The Anita Blake books don't start out that way. And she's pretty low on the powerscale in the first books. And she's not spreading her legs to everything that lacks a pulse or has a fur-problem.

[razorjak.livejournal.com]

She's pushing out the Blake books moreso than the Gentry ones. She's got two Blake's coming out in harcover this year.

Only thing I see for Gentry is a softcover for A Stroke of Midnight coming out in the early fall.

LKH Candy!

[gottestod.livejournal.com]

Never went as far as the Anita Blake, but I remember being really peaked on this Meredith Gentry shit around the time I was rolling heavily. As an adult, I doubt I could really read any of the fantasy novels I used to read as young geekster... christ, I actually read and enjoyed Mercedes Lackey at one time. And Orson Scott Card..

But anyhow, the reason why I responded, before I forget---I've discovered Jacqueline Carey who unfortunately hasn't released as many novels but definitely tops Laurell K in imagination and creativity in this erotic fantasy scene...

[sirriamnis.livejournal.com]

Now you're just asking for it.

[medakse.livejournal.com]

I got frustrated around page 11 when she's at the wedding, and she sees the bride walk up the "isle".
I kid you not. See if it was fixed for the paperback, but in the hardcover, the bride walked up the "isle".
And then I threw the book across the room when she had sex on her kitchen floor in front of... Nicholas? Nathaniel? Whoever her were-king ex-fiance is.
The best one was the one about Edward, without a doubt. And then everything went downhill from there.
Here's my rant (http://www.livejournal.com/~medakse/2004/10/01/) in case you're interested (I found it!).

And if you need werewolf crack, seriously. Try Kelley Armstrong's Broken.

[50-ft-queenie.livejournal.com]

I read A Kiss of Shadows b/c the ex-girlfriend lent it to me, and it wasn't bad. A co-worker heard me mention it and lent me a couple of Anita Blake novels, and I couldn't get past page 20 of the first book. I'm trying to think of a diplomatic way to return the novels without letting her know I thought they were crap.

[mspaintchuk.livejournal.com]

Jak, I hate to say this but...

You are a bitch.

[medakse.livejournal.com]

explain that they're "not your thing"?
or, that you don't feel you can read them in a timely manner, because of backlog of books?
:)

[50-ft-queenie.livejournal.com]

Well, she knows I like horror fiction, so the first reason wouldn't fly, but I'll try the second one casue it's true! My backlog is getting crazy!

[razorjak.livejournal.com]

See, that's how I know someone is my true friend. They'll tell me I'm a bitch and not really be too scared about the possibility of me ripping their left arm off and beating them senseless with it.