Annoyances

[razorjak]

What makes people think that they get special priveledges to act like an ass because they come to the club every night?

What makes certain people think they can get away with losing it completely and acting like a psychotic teletubby?

What makes certain people think that a club belongs to them because they've been coming to it for a few months and that I will take their side in petty broken relationship squabbles?

What makes certain people think I won't pimpslap them through a wall just because the staff has adopted him because he excudes an aura of "protect me" like a lil puppy.

For all of you who go to the club and think I am supposed to cater to you, here's a list that I think you should read:

( thank you Marco for the cool list and good wording )

I AM NOT YOUR FUCKING BABYSITTER.
I AM NOT YOUR FUCKING HALL MONITOR.
I AM NOT YOUR FUCKING MOM AND DAD.
Clear? No, really, Clear?

I do not need to settle your disputes.
I do not need to keep creepy people away from you.
I do not need to make sure that people who had bad break ups stay apart.
I also do not need to watch over incredibly drunk people who don't have anyone else to do it for them.

Your disputes are your own. If it comes to blows I will throw everyone involved out.

You have a voice and you have a spine. Use them. You will be suprised at how many people really do resond to the words "Fuck off."

Got a problem with an ex? Keep it the fuck away from me. Feel free to let it come to a shouting match or something physical. I'll be more than happy to toss both of you out.

Feel free to come out and get hammered. Also feel free to have no ride home and no cab fare. Feel free to not have anyone to make sure you don't have anyone to watch out for you if you start becoming a drunken asshole. Also feel free to open the door with your face as I'm throwing you out.

Yes, this does go for people I know. Yes, this does go for people i like. Yes, I do pretend to be much nicer than I am so people will come in and spend money.

Comments

[saiira.livejournal.com]

Good job we don't come to your club!

[razorjak.livejournal.com]

I don't play favorites at work. And I am annoyed when people are shocked that I won't defend them when they are being asses. My job is to keep the club a peaceful place that EVERYONE can enjoy. If ANYONE, even regulars, get out of hand ... then it's my job to ask them (nicely at first) to leave and come back another time when they can control themselves.

[ogremarco.livejournal.com]

Who do we pass this to next? It's like some kind of manifesto now.

Two things: 1)I go by Ogre, not Marco, and 2) The term psychotic telletubbie has deeply disturbed me and shall be the source of nightmares for some time to come. Good job!

Re:

[razorjak.livejournal.com]

Fair enough ... Ogre it is.

Yes - we really should get together with a couple of other disgruntled brainsmashers and come up with the Bouncer Manifesto.
( It will prove that some of us are actually (gasp) literate. )

I have a penchant for "colourful nicknames" regarding the patrons of clubs:

drunken crotchmonkeys
psychotic teletubbies
fuck-knuckles
and the ever prominent
FUCKTARD!

Another note ...

[razorjak.livejournal.com]

Email me ... I had an interesting idea regarding the Manifesto.

Re: Another note ...

[ogremarco.livejournal.com]

will do.

blink blink

[treebyleaf.livejournal.com]

Small world. Hello there, Ogre. Haven't seen you since, oh, Grace's party last night?

Jak, you shoulda been there. Come out to the Northwest, land of neopagan bellydancing baclava goodness.

Re: blink blink

[ogremarco.livejournal.com]

heh, small world indeed.

Re: blink blink

[razorjak.livejournal.com]

Extremely small world as the lovely knitting guru and high kicking lass is one of the reasons I have been considering a northwest coast move for years now.

Poor Jak :(

[missanthropy.livejournal.com]

I do not need to settle your disputes.
I do not need to keep creepy people away from you.
I do not need to make sure that people who had bad break ups stay apart.
I also do not need to watch over incredibly drunk people who don't have anyone else to do it for them.

---

Well hot damn! I see the club is still 'drama central' these days. You're right. None of those are in the job description of a bouncer. I still think that if you know someone you don't get along with might be someplace you're going to be, you either have to... NOT GO, or, learn to fucking deal with them being there. Easy. Simple. Why people can't understand that is beyond me.

[ravenhart.livejournal.com]

I would like to see that framed. Laughed so hard, and related even harder when I read it in Ogre's LJ. My S.O. is\was a bouncer as well. And yes, it is so well stated.

Ogre, you will be famous for these words. :)

I have to come down to the club sometime just to see you in action. And no, I won't do any of that shit. Heh. I know better.

[reddragdiva]

You should print that out and use it as a resume.

[razorjak.livejournal.com]

I'd have to pay "fair use" royalties to Ogre :-)

[masokisst.livejournal.com]

i now see what you mean when you mentioned this post... and i wonder which colorful nickname i get *grin*.

I dont think i ever want to do the con this sober again, it's too annoying

[razorjak.livejournal.com]

toy

[masokisst.livejournal.com]

*smirk*

ok question is now - who's toy ?

i'm quite used to being somebodies toy

Re:

[razorjak.livejournal.com]

didn't say who's toy ... just toy :-)